I just wanted to toss something out here, and see what everyone thought:

Dave: tell me a funny poem about soccer and thanksgiving
Morti: Ode to soccer and thanksgiving - By Morti -
Oh, shining, lusterous soccer! How beautiful you are to me!
So like the wild Ruby-Throated Hummingbird, how noble and strong!
And yet, I still long for thanksgiving, as bubbly and effervesent as Motor oil! Torn! So torn between soccer and thanksgiving!
it is like choosing whether to die from a Blue-Footed Booby bite, or a California Sea Hare sting!
But know this! For so long as my beloved soccer and my lovely thanksgiving are in my life, I shall be forever happy!

I’m still working on alternatives to this poem, but I rather like this one (and yes, I know it doesn’t rhyme!)

lol I like it. Very arty and I can see it working for almost any words.

My program can’t handle more than one subject, so you will definitely win points over me on that one. I have a list of around 2,500 common words with lots of attributes about each one and look up a few of these attributes to drop them in around 25 or so poem templates I made up. If the subject doesn’t exist in my list (for example “existentialism”, was that you Dave from Nevada?), it drops back to a list of default poems.

This has the benefit that the judge can ask for another poem on the same subject and it can pick one of its other templates.

An example is this. Tell me a poem about frogs

1) It singularises(?) frogs
2) Sees it should be A frog not AN frog
3) Gets a word that rhymes with frog (log)
4) Gets the place where you can find a frog (in water)

then drops them in a template like so:

As I was walking home for a bath.
A frog stepped out and blocked my path.
“Excuse me sir”, I started to say.
“You should be in water and not in my way”

“I apologise”, said the frog
“But I was looking for my log”
“It’s over there”, I pointed out.
“Wow! thanks a lot”, the frog did shout.

Other templates grab what colour the object is, how many letters in its name, what use it has, what it is made from and so on:

I am found in water and have webbed feet.
Can you guess what my name is?
This object croaks.
And I will also tell you this.

I have 4 letters, that I vow.
And also rhyme with log.
You must know what I am by now.
That’s right, I am a frog.

Oops! Busted! lol

Yes, that was me. And it’s funny, too, because the joke Mitsuku told me had a strong Existentialist flavor to it.

I’m not quite to the point of dealing with singular/plural, so sometimes the poems & jokes sound odd, but I’m sort of going for “lame jokes”, anyway, because trying to do true humor requires a bit more complexity than I can afford right now.

Most of my jokes/poems are “drop-in” sorts, where the wildcards are simply inserted into the text. Often, the mismatch adds to the humor, so for me, it works out.

[edit]
As a side-note, I’ve created several “helper categories”, like RANDOM OBJECT, & RANDOM LIQUID that the jokes use a few times. It tends to make them a bit more varied.
[/edit]

I saw the name Dave and the IP address said Nevada so I guessed it was you. It was the luck of the draw that the joke was reasonably suitable as that is one word I hadn’t included. Another coincidence was while someone was testing her, they asked, “Tell me a joke about a driver”, Mitsuku didn’t know the word “driver” and fell back on her joke library with about 150 jokes in it. Amazingly, she came out with:

My wife bet me £100 I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove “pasta”!

My jaw nearly dropped and I can only dream that such happy coincidences will happen in the actual competition.

Transcripts….hmmmmm

Webcast? Worlds first live robot comedy show?

Who wants to knock out a quick ‘Botty’ Crystal as the host?

Dave Morton - Nov 3, 2012:

I’m not quite to the point of dealing with singular/plural

Thanks for the tip, neither was I, Dave…

Dave Morton - Nov 3, 2012:

requires a bit more complexity than I can afford right now.

And for the same reasons… That’s a nice way to put it.

Congratulations to the winners of the…

Funniest Computer Ever contest

1st place: Mitsuku By Steve Worswick
2nd place: Gig-A-Tron 5000 by Owen Niblock
3rd place: Atomic & Romeo by Michael Meany

http://www.funniestcomputerever.com/

Congratulations to the winners from everyone at R.I. !

Does anyone know if theyre planning on publishing the transcripts? Or maybe they did and I missed them???
Anyway congrats!

Vince

Transcripts are planned to be released, but I’m not certain just when that will be.

The transcripts have been available since last Friday:
http://funniestcomputer.neurogrid.com/2012-competition

Congrats to all. Building a comedian bot no small feat l!!

Congrats, Steve. Nice to see your hard work paid off.

@Steve Ahhhhh I see. Cleverly disguised as a giant link that says…
TRANSCRIPTS
indidious LOL

Vince

Congrats again

Congrats Steve, and all who participated.

Thanks all.

I would like to say a big thank you to Sam and his team for organising a very original and fun contest. Also well done to everyone who took part by entering a bot. It made a pleasant change from the usual interrogation type contests and long may it continue.

@Vincent Hehe! You spotted it. I thought it was maybe a little too subtle